God's
love of mankind is so profound and undeserved, that for some of us we
have trouble accepting His grace and mercy because of personal shame
or guilt that clogs us up deep inside. Consciously or unconsciously,
our self-esteem may be so low because of our past or present
situation that we simply cannot process how a good and all knowing
God would want anything to do with us. Sure Jesus said, “I have
not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance” (John
5:32), but does that really include even me?
Before
we answer that question, let's take a look at the case of the apostle
Paul (f/k/a Saul of Tarsus). Paul was born a Jew in Tarsus, the
capital of the Roman province of Cilicia (modern day Turkey).
However, Paul was educated in Jerusalem into the Jewish sect of the
Pharisees by a leading member of the Sanhedrin (Acts 5:34; 22:3), the
same body of religious leaders that handed Jesus over to the Romans
for execution.
As
a Pharisee, Paul personally was a leading persecutor of the early
Christian Church. (Acts 26:9) Paul admitted that he locked up many
of the early Christians in prison and personally voted for their
execution. (Acts 26:10). Paul was present and approved of the
stoning of Stephen, the first Christian martyr. (Acts 8:1) Luke
reports that Paul was “ravaging the church, and entering house to
house, he dragged off men and women and committed them to prison.”
(Acts 8:3) Paul was so notorious as a persecutor of the Church that
initially after his conversion to Christ, the disciples in Jerusalem
were afraid to meet with him, not believing that Paul had truly
converted. (Acts 9:26).
In
the scheme of things, if anyone was unfit for God's compassion and
mercy, who would argue that Paul fit that bill. After all, he was
directly attacking God's church and His people and was an accessory
to murder. Although any one of us from time to time may suffer from
regrets or guilt for past acts, I cannot fathom the guilt that Paul
must have felt when Jesus revealed himself to Paul on the road to
Damascus and asked “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?”
(Acts 9:4)
Yet,
God forgave and healed Paul and used him to carry the Gospel of
Christ to Roman pagans throughout the Mediterranean area. So
inspired was Paul that his letters to the early Christian churches
have been included in New Testament. Paul came to recognize that God
could use him, perhaps like no other, as an example of the depths of
the patience and mercy that Christ Jesus shows for those who turn to
Him. (1 Tim 1:16).
So,
we can confidently answer the above question “yes”; God can
forgive any sinner, no matter what his or her situation. And if God
can forgive us, then we, having confessed our sins to God and given
our lives to Christ, should forgive ourselves.
God
does not cause us to commit sin or do evil, but if we turn to him, he
can heal us and use us for His good works. Whether it is the man
with a history of failed marriages who becomes a mentor to other men
facing marital issues, or the recovering alcoholic who leads an AA
group, or the persecutor of the church who goes on to be arguably its
greatest evangelist, God has good plans for every one of us.
God
is sovereign and there certainly are limits on our finite abilities
to understand all of God's plans for us. Paul understood this when
he wrote: “Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of
God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his
ways!” (Rom 11:33) However, despite the mysteries of God's ways,
Christians can trust in God with assurance that He will protect and
keep us. As Jesus said: “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them,
and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never
perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.” (John
10:27-28)